The Modern LeadHer Way

[111] What's It All For? Redefining Success Beyond Material Wealth

• Emma Clayton • Season 4 • Episode 111

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Have you ever found yourself standing in a beautiful home, with a prestigious job title and healthy bank account, only to wonder "what's it all for?" That nagging question is at the heart of this deeply reflective episode about the emptiness that can accompany conventional success.

Drawing from my own journey - from outwardly successful corporate executive to fulfilled entrepreneur - I share the painful truth about how I maintained a confident facade while crumbling inside. Despite the six-figure salary, business class flights, and luxury holidays, happiness remained elusive, limited to brief windows between Friday afternoon and Sunday evening when the laptop inevitably came back out.

This emptiness led me to examine what truly matters: fulfilment that comes from meaningful work, freedom to choose how I spend my time, fun that energises rather than depletes, and authenticity that allows me to be fully myself. These values became the foundation of my transformed life and the Modern Leader Way methodology I now share with ambitious women worldwide.

The episode takes you through practical exercises from my Success Roadmap that help identify your own core values and redefine success on your terms. Whether you're considering a major career pivot or simply seeking more alignment in your current business, this episode provides a framework for honest self-reflection about what drives you beneath the surface-level achievements.

Success isn't about abandoning ambition - it's about ensuring your ambitions truly belong to you, not inherited expectations or societal pressures. Ready to remember who you really are and create a life that feels as good on the inside as it looks on the outside? Download the free Success Roadmap and take the first step toward authentic achievement today.

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Speaker 1:

This is the Modern Leader Way the podcast for ambitious, driven career women who want to feel good on the way to the top. I'm Emma Clayton and I'll be sharing with you tangible advice to help you stop sacrificing your soul in the name of success and experience more balance, confidence and fulfilment both in and out of work. Hello, welcome back to the Modern Leader Way. It's me Emma, and I am coming at you with something a little bit more thoughtful today because I have been thinking a lot about what it's all for. You know, why do we get out of bed every morning? Why do we go to work? Why do we do the same thing in, day in, day out? Why do we put up with something that perhaps is suboptimal for our energy and our biggest dreams, and really do we know why we're doing it? So I've been having a lot more of an honest, open conversation on my socials about how, in the past, I have always wanted to help women really thrive in the corporate world, because I was trying to be a me for me when I was there right, and I make no secret about the fact that I had this very positive, outgoing, confident facade in the corporate world. People look to me, as you know. Wow. She's always taking these opportunities. She's always like going bigger and she does the scary things. I'm not sure I could do what she does.

Speaker 1:

Yet on the inside I was kind of crumbling, and a lot of the time when I was doing these you know big, scary things whether it was speaking on stages to hundreds of people or flying around the world to see clients on my own Part of me was feeling like I wasn't good enough and I didn't deserve to be there. And how was I going to cope? And when was someone going to find out that I wasn't really good enough and that they need to take it all away from me? So I very rarely enjoyed the privileges and the benefits that came with working for a Fortune 500 company that had a lot of money to spend on travel and sending us places and our personal development and all that kind of thing, because I was so consumed with when am I going to get caught out as the fraud that I am? And when I think about why I did it day in, day out, then it's because I thought that's all that was available to me. I didn't really look outside of my current reality and dream different. I didn't imagine there could be another way, because I had been brought up to very much see a job for life as a real, secure financial move to ensure that I could pay my mortgage off, ideally sometime in your late 40s or 50s even and then pay into a pension pot that was going to ensure that you could have a quality of life after you stop working, which for us now is possibly going to be, I don't know, 70 plus if we ever do stop working right. And that was ingrained in me from my parents because that's what they wanted for themselves, because that's what they didn't see their parents have both sets of parents, had very different upbringings and you know it was a struggle, never particularly flush. They obviously grew up not having that financial security as such and wanted it for themselves and for their kids and obviously brought us up to have the same values and to see benefit in getting that job for life. And that's what I did.

Speaker 1:

I left school at 18 and you know you could say it was luck, you could say it was fortuitous that I walked into an admin role and 20 years later I'd worked my way around and up within the organisation and done all right, working for a six-figure salary. My bonuses on an annual basis were as much as some of my friends' annual salary. I had the car on the drive, I had the detached house, I had the Mulberry handbag and the holidays every year. You know we'd go to and the holidays every year. You know we'd go to New Zealand for three weeks or we went to Argentina or Australia for a few weeks. You know we did life well and we ate out a lot and we ate a lot of takeaways. And you know we didn't really want for much because my salary was such that it enabled Adam to build up his business from scratch and not worry too much about bringing in the money at the time. But I was, if I'm honest, I was never particularly happy. I was. I had happy moments. A lot of it happened around four o'clock on a Friday and it was short lived because because on a Sunday night I was laptop out trying to get ahead of myself for the week and when I think about it I have.

Speaker 1:

This is what I talk about when I talk about that empty success or success that feels shallow, because it affords you material things in life. It affords you these experiences and the ability to not worry about money and where it's going to come from every month, but it was lacking something else. It was empty in many other ways and I think what I was missing was fulfillment. So when I ask, what's it all for Is it for the material things? Because I ask that question oftentimes people say, oh, no, no, like I could. I could do without many of my material things. Um, okay, so what is it? And we go deeper like, what is it all for? Like, what are you doing this for? Because unless you know, and you know that what you're doing is actually in alignment with what you're doing it for, then you could waste a lot of your life. And if you're listening to this, I'm going to guess you're in the kind of second half of your life or coming up to it, that you have created a level of success that looks good on paper. But what else? What is it for? Beyond the annual holidays every year, beyond being able to afford the things that you want for your home or for your family, what's it all for?

Speaker 1:

Now, this is what I created the Success Roadmap for is to help you go a bit deeper, below the surface and actually explore this for yourself, and there is a couple of exercises in there. If you haven't already got it, there is always a link in the show notes or you can head to emaclainxocom. Forward slash free resources. You'll be able to navigate it from the top bar and find the free success roadmap like download it. It's a little PDF that you get to work through and a couple of examples, a couple of exercises sorry that are in there.

Speaker 1:

One is values exercise, and I did this early on when I left work, when I was deciding to leave work, I actually went through my values exercise and what I realised was really important to me and what I wanted to do anything for was ultimately for a few things. One was fulfilment, as I've already talked about. Like I didn't want, just want empty success. I wanted a deep feeling of fulfillment, like I've made a difference in the world, like this work I do is meaningful and it has impacted others' lives, right. Fulfillment. At the end of the day, I want to feel fulfilled. I want to feel like my hard work is all because of just something bigger than me, right? So fulfilment was one of those things. Freedom Freedom for me, was something that was super important.

Speaker 1:

Now, I've always been very independent, so actually travelling around the world, going through airports, eating in restaurants on my own never really a big deal. I've been on beach holidays on my own. I I'm not afraid to um, you know, jump on a red top bus and explore a city on my own, that's not a problem. Independence has always kind of been something that I've I've felt even from a very young age. I wanted that independence. I wanted to be like to spend time on my own. I loved going out on my bike and just feeling the wind in my hair and getting the speed under my wheels and just like free-flowing down a hill. Just that independence, that freedom.

Speaker 1:

But actually freedom goes a bit of a step further than that for me, because it's like freedom to do what I want with who I want when I want right. And actually I couldn't do that as an employed, as an employee, because whilst I had the very glamorous business class travel and staying in all the nice hotels, I had no choice over where that was. You know, I knew that I just had to be in Zurich again next month and you know it becomes something like travelling to Zurich or Switzerland, which is a fabulous country, becomes a bit of a chore because you're here for the sixth time this year and you've got no choice over it. Really, the days of which you travel weren't necessarily your choice. You didn't have any freedom around that necessarily. You had to be there for a meeting at a certain time and then you had to stay there until such a time.

Speaker 1:

Now I did always kind of push the limits a little bit. For example, I talk about the time that I went to Singapore and Hong Kong before I, you know, hopped over to Bali for a few weeks. So I got my first business class flights paid for to Hong Kong and back from Singapore and I did my own little trip to Bali whilst I was there. So you know, I actually saved a lot of money by doing it that way. But I created freedom within the boundaries of my travel to Asia.

Speaker 1:

Another time we went to do a little trip around the US. We flew to San Francisco, then we flew to Boston and then got the train down to New York and I just made it so that we could actually have an extended weekend in San Francisco. Now say we that was me and my colleague at the time. So you know, there was ways you could orchestrate a little bit of freedom within the schedule, but ultimately there was a lack of freedom to do what I wanted to do, especially when it came to, you know, traveling a bit more loose and fancy free and having more than three weeks off maybe in my life, which I had never had. I think three weeks was my maximum when we went to New Zealand and actually three days of that was wasted in Heathrow Airport, traveling in snow. We got, we got caught in Heathrow because a big wall of snow just dumped on London and no planes left for 24 hours and then we just got put on standby for three days. It was absolutely hideous. You know, I'd worked all year for that and waited all year for those flights that I'd booked in the March and here we are just before Christmas waiting to go on our dream holiday and three days are being spent in bloody Heathrow.

Speaker 1:

So anyway, freedom for me was a big part of my why, like why I'm gonna do whatever I do, because it's gonna create that freedom in my life to do what I want when I want with who I want. And then fun and I know there's a bit of alliteration here with all the Fs, but fun I wanted to have more fun, because what I was finding with my work was and tell me if you resonate, and I know many women do was that I didn't have any energy for having any fun by the end of the week. You know, if all my fun was limited to the weekends, I was often knackered. In fact, adam's mum said to me not so long ago that she likes me more now because I used to go round there for a Sunday dinner or whatever and I'd fall asleep on the sofa and I was like, yeah, no shit, I was knackered. I was literally knackered from the week, probably didn't want to socialise and was having to, you know, do the polite thing and go to the in-laws. And so, yeah, it's no wonder you like me more now, because I am more fun to be around, because I'm not knackered all the time and I choose what fun I want to have when.

Speaker 1:

And the other thing for me was authenticity, and this is a big part of the Modern Leader way. Right, it's what the Modern Leader way is all about. It's about helping you remember who the fuck you are, so that you can be more you like. It sounds cliche, but ultimately, when you look at what I've been doing for the last eight years since I left corporate. It's been about that. It's been about me being as me as I can be and then showing that online and showing that you can also kind of unlearn some of those things that you've learned to be in your lifetime, to reveal layers of you that perhaps you didn't even know existed because you hadn't explored them in your adult life before. And a lot of that comes back to remembering what you used to love as a kid, remembering what used to light you up, you know, remembering being on that bike and having your hair in the wind and going as fast as you can down a hill, feeling that freedom, feeling that fun and joy just in being you. So these are kind of cornerstones of what I have built my business on.

Speaker 1:

And actually last week I ended up at Ideas Fest. I didn't end up there, I planned to be there all along. I went last year with my friend Sue. She came for one day because she wasn't sure what it was all about. I had no idea what it was about, but I booked both days. I did a little outing, a little road trip in my van, which for me is the epitome of freedom, because that gives me the independence and the freedom to you know, do what I want to do to go. Do you know what? We're going to? Go and work at the beach today, or we're going to go and work up the cliffs after our walk and take my laptop and sit in the van and sit with the view and be in the sun and just be out in nature for a bit longer, rather than sitting behind my desk. My van is like it might as well be called the Freedom Van, because that's what the vibe is.

Speaker 1:

So took myself off on a road trip, went to Ideas Fest, which is a two day. It's basically called the Glastonbury for Founders, so it's all business owners, something like 4,000 business owners in a field. It's where business meets festival vibes and there's many talks on. There's all these different tents, you have conversations that matter, you have entrepreneurial spirit, you have the unapologetic stage. This year, thanks to the commitment I made to myself at the beginning of the year to actually get out to as many different events as I could, and you probably, if you follow me on social media, will have seen the amount of events I have taken myself off to this year. Because of that, I've met an awful lot of fellow business owners, entrepreneurs on the way, who end up in the same events and, oh my god, did I not only have the freedom to be myself and wear what I wanted in the field and be comfortable in my own skin and to be happy just meeting people? And but did I have fun? Oh my god, it's so much fun. And if you've seen my stories and my my reels ever since then, you'll have seen me playing dress up. You'll have seen me at Elizabeth Carly Leonard's game show, which was was just so much fun. Honestly, I've never been to an event that was just that much fun vibes, and I just thought, wow, my life is just so different now than it was, but it's been so on purpose. And that's what I want for you.

Speaker 1:

When I talk about redefining success on your terms, I'm not saying you have to leave your job. If you're happy there, if you do get that sense of fulfillment, or if that doesn't matter to you because it's not something that's of importance, fill your boots. I'm all for helping you thrive in life and work or business, in whatever that looks like for you. The modern leader way is your way. Remember it's not my way.

Speaker 1:

So when I talk about success, redefined. It's actually doing that. It's just taking a step back. It's taking a minute for yourself to go. What is it all for? Why am I doing this? Am I happy like, is this what I thought it would be? And actually just taking that time? And this is what I, you know, when I take you for some time out in my day retreats, in my Spain retreat, in my VIP days, game changers days, or even in a game plan session, this is what I'm doing with you.

Speaker 1:

I'm giving you that space for time out to think for yourself, to go deeper beneath the surface and actually explore some of this shit, to get out of your head all of the things that perhaps you've been keeping in there because you don't know what to do with it, you don't know how to express it, you don't know how to bring it into reality because maybe the change feels too big or too scary, or maybe you don't know if it. But actually, the beauty, the joy in taking that time out for yourself is you just get to express it. You just get to explore it without any commitment, without needing to make any major changes to your life, just to explore it, just to plant a seed, maybe to open up the possibility of something different. If you know that what you're doing right now is not it, it's not what you want to do for the next 10, 15, 20 years, if you can't see yourself putting up for much longer because you don't want to waste this one precious life that we have doing something that doesn't light you up, that doesn't fulfill you or give you freedom or allow you to be yourself, whatever that is for you, then you get to take that step back and seriously download the success roadmap and let me know how you get on, let me know what your values are, what it is that you're doing this for, and if you can start to see, start to plant that seed of what else is out there for you, what else is available for you On the other side of you know being the good little girl and doing the thing that your parents thought was good for you.

Speaker 1:

You know where I am. That's the point at which we get to work together. This is what I'm passionate about, guys, whether it's, you know, in your work, in your career, in corporate or in your business. If you've got to that point and you're like it's not this, but you don't know what that is, then let's chat, because there's many ways that we can do that. And if you just want to start diving with the success roadmap, it's free, it's easy, you can work through it in your own time. It's a nice Sunday afternoon thing to sit down and do with a cup of tea, but I'd love to hear what you come up with, what your drivers are for success on your terms, not on someone else's. If you have any questions, come up after this one, let me know. I'm actually off to another event this weekend Susie Ashworth, infinite Receiving no-transcript. No-transcript.

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